


To love and tea-rrific puns

by stripteas



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Puns, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I just want them to be happy, I'm Bad At Tagging, Light Smut, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, No proofread either haha, Pick-Up Lines, Puns & Word Play, Rated M for a little steam, Sickfic, Suggestive Themes, Well technically not a sickfic but it's set in this quarantine, just... fluff, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:42:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23633299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stripteas/pseuds/stripteas
Summary: We're all suffering under quarantine, some more than others, and this fic is here to raise your morale. Domestic Sylvix social distance responsibly and try not to go crazy.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 67





	To love and tea-rrific puns

**Author's Note:**

> First off, big thanks to my darling Nya for coming up with this headcanon with me and getting me into fe3h in the first place ;P  
> This was meant to be ready before you got better, but hopefully it was worth the delay.  
> Secondly, I mean no disrespect to the people here suffering from this pandemic. I don't mean to belittle the situation, but to offer an escape route for those who need this kind of content.  
> Thirdly... enjoy if you can? My writing's rusty after over a year of inactivity, so I hope it's decent.

They didn’t really take it seriously at first. As a bartender and a vet they didn’t need to pay that much more attention to hygiene than they already did, so they just avoided crowded places in their free time (Sylvain not having much of a choice to do so at work) and called it a day. Then the couple of infected turned into dozens, and the dozens into hundreds; the bar Sylvain worked at sent its employees on paid leave until further notice, leaving him to spend his time almost exclusively at home. Felix was still allowed to work. Animals were still in need of care after all.

In the beginning it didn’t feel that different from what Sylvain used to do when he had a job; his shifts were at night, which meant he was already used to sleeping in and doing his chores while Felix was away. Not having work only meant that he could do those things at a slower pace and still have time to slack off, which he thought to be the best thing ever.

After the first couple of days, though, a sense of restlessness started creeping on him. No matter how much time he spent playing videogames or cleaning the apartment (the latter being something he’d never thought he’d be doing for his own entertainment), Sylvain felt a terrible need to just meet up with his friends for drinks or movie night. He missed the crowd, the clinking of glasses among the chatter, the push and pull of dancing bodies. The homebody life was nice, yes, but he was too used to his job to enjoy it to the fullest.

And that’s how he ended up taking Felix on walks almost daily. They didn’t live in a crowded area, and – if you walked long enough – you’d be met with a nice little piece of forest only dog owners cared to visit anymore. As long as he was allowed outside, that was Sylvain’s way of coping.

That, and pampering Felix in any possible way.

His boyfriend didn’t seem to mind. He had his own reason to be frustrated, with the lack of work and the clinic yet lengthening his shifts to make up for the people at risk sent on leave. Sylvain had listened to his daily rants, offering reassurance and understanding nods. Walking in silent company helped Felix blow off some steam, but when that wasn’t possible Sylvain did his best to take good care of him.

Felix wasn’t what you’d call a foodie; he knew his way in the kitchen, but enjoying food wasn’t a priority of his, so in Sylvain’s absence he’d resolve to dumping whatever had any nutritional value onto a plate and eat it. Now that Sylvain had the privilege of free time, he’d started experimenting new recipes and preparing more elaborate meals, going out of his way to make food his partner would look forward to. Judging by all the affection coming from Felix, either the raven’s boredom increased his sex drive or Sylvain had done one hell of a good job at lightening up his mood.

Of course, this got to the redhead’s head pretty fast.

“Hey,” Sylvain huffed during a jog in the woods.

Felix grunted in response, not talking as to avoid disrupting his rhythm.

“Are you the new virus?” Sylvain couldn’t contain a chuckle, resulting in him losing his footing, “Because I can’t stop looking _achoo_.”

Felix glared at him from behind his shoulder, raised his middle finger at Sylvain and picked up pace. Sylvain struggled to keep up, yet he couldn’t stop grinning.

***

When they finally arrived home, Felix was still several steps ahead of Sylvain, making it to the front door before him despite having taken the stairs and not the lift.

“Oh, come on, babe! It wasn’t half bad.” the redhead made to wrap an arm around the other man’s waist, but this had already slipped out of his shoes and into the bathroom. Sylvain followed him to peek through the door gap. There was the slightest upturn in Felix’s mouth before their eyes met and the raven’s expression turned back into a frown. Had Sylvain not known him for ages, he wouldn’t have even noticed it. It was the kind of subtle smile he would see on his lover’s face when this had the upper hand in a race or in a playfight. Sylvain would have to play defeat to get his way.

“Aren’t you gonna let me join?” Sylvain attempted at his most miserable pout, leaning into the doorway for emphasis, “I’ll make up for it, I promise.”

Felix’s smile widened just a tad bit before answering in the most serene tone he could manage: “No. Fuck off.”

Felix slammed the door in Sylvain’s face, leaving him in the hallway, baffled.

“Babe! I’m sorry!” despite his words, the laughter in his voice was evident. Felix’s response was to lock the door and start the shower. Sylvain cackled in disbelief and headed for the kitchen. He might as well make something to eat while waiting.

Right as Sylvain had finished cleaning up the kitchen, he turned around to a surprisingly empty counter. Coincidentally, a pretty black-haired man had materialised on the couch in a silky robe, hair pulled to the side and feet propped on the couch. A glass was in his hand, much similar to the Bloody Mary smoothie Sylvain had just made himself. The pretty man in question was staring at his phone screen, seemingly oblivious of Sylvain’s gaze on him. Sylvain walked up to him and planted a kiss on his still-damp head, kneeling at his feet. The raven finally looked down at him.

“You know this is serious. People are dying and you’re here telling me stupid pick-up lines,” Felix said. Sylvain opened his mouth to apologise.

“I—”

“You could at least make an effort. Corona doesn’t clog your nose, it usually gives you a dry cough,” Felix said, as if what he meant was obvious and Sylvain should have already picked up the message.

“I don’t under—”

“It would’ve been much better to say ’Hey are you the new virus? Because _you take my breath away’_. Make it look like you tried, dumbass.”

Sylvain could not believe his ears. Of course, after years of being together he’d witnessed Felix flirting with him several times, but shitty pick-up lines were and had always been Sylvain’s thing. Felix sinking as low as him to correct him on such a stupid pun was never seen before. Sylvain could not contain his laughter.

“Are… are you for real? Honey, did you hit your head? Oh no, you might have a cold!” he leaned up to press the back of his hand on Felix’s forehead as if to check his temperature. “Felix, I need you to tell me: how many fingers am I holding up?”

“Fuck you…”

“No time for that! Proceeding with mouth-to-mouth!” Sylvain lunged at him for a kiss, to which Felix responded like a cat thrown into water, kicking and pushing away for air.

“Stop it, you stinky fucker!” Felix shouted. Sylvain pulled back with a dramatic gasp and a hand over his heart.

“Felix, you wound me! Stinky? After all we’ve been through?” The fact that he was still on his knees added dramatism, Felix had to give him that.

“Yeah, yeah…” Felix took advantage of the distance to push his shoulder further away with his foot, robe slipping to reveal more of his bare leg. He didn’t really mean for it to happen, but it was, admittedly, convenient. If living with Sylvain had taught him anything it was that sensuality was the best method of coercing the man into anything. “You go shower and I’ll reconsider it.”

As if on cue, Sylvain took gentle hold of Felix’s ankle and pressed his lips to it, never breaking eye contact with his lover. Only after Felix nudged him again, this time on the cheek, did he get up. A shit-eating grin on his face, Sylvain’s didn’t hesitate to take little revenge for Felix’s teasing by discarding his shirt on the way to the hallway, making a show of stretching his back and even letting out a shameless groan that definitely wasn’t meant to sound so sexual.

Had that stunt been too cruel? Maybe over the top? Sylvain considered it a bit while rinsing off, then decided it was neither. _All is fair in love and war,_ goes the saying, and what Felix and he were partaking in right now was merely a perfect mix of the two.

“I got it!”

Felix looked up from his book to Sylvain’s triumphant smile as the redhead no less than waltzed into the middle of the living room. Judging from his lack of shirt and the way he was dripping all over the carpet, Felix supposed Sylvain was so keen on continuing their earlier conversation that he’d barely dried himself up. He also feared said conversation was doomed to end very soon if Sylvain didn’t fix the sweatpants sliding dangerously lower on his hips.

“I be- _lung_ with you, Felix!” Sylvain whipped his hands in a theatrical gesture, accidentally letting water droplets land onto his lover. Mildly disgruntled, Felix raised an eyebrow and set his book aside, its pages only grazed by the miniature downpour that Sylvain just caused.

“Then perish.” Felix deadpanned.

Silence. They stared into each other’s eyes for what felt like the better part of a minute – Felix wondering whether it was out of line to make such a joke and Sylvain still processing the words in context – before Sylvain let out an ugly snort and both collapsed in fits of laughter. He flopped unceremoniously onto the couch and landed on top of Felix in an attempt to hug his middle – it looked more like he was tackling him – and Felix let out an annoyed sigh as his lover lay his head on his shoulder.

“What? I’m all clean and smell like flowers now. You have no excuse to deny me your love anymore.” Sylvain conveniently left out the fact that he was getting water all over Felix.

“Guess I don’t,” Felix sighed in defeat before wrapping an arm around Sylvain and pressing his lips to his forehead. The redhead didn’t give him time to pull back and started peppering kisses on his neck in return, urging a soft hum from him.

“You should relax…” Sylvain’s lips slowly travelled up, up to where his whisper tickled Felix’s ear, “Stop having such _neckative_ thoughts…”

“That was a very shitty one.”

Sylvain chuckled and shifted onto Felix’s lap, having his boyfriend place his hands at either side of his hips. “Ok, you’re right. But admit it, you’re liking them, and you’re far better than me at them.”

Felix hummed in disregard and leaned up to kiss Sylvain, only to be stopped by the other man’s index finger over his lips.

“That’s not an admission, love.”

Felix bit the pesky finger in response.

“Come on! You got me to shower for your kisses, now you can make another of your clever puns for mine.” Sylvain wasn’t even bothered by the pain. He just slid it out and booped Felix’s nose with it. Gosh, he wanted to kiss that disgusted frown off his lips, but this game of touch-and-go was entertaining and certainly a nice change in their recently dulled routine.

Felix stared at him long, eyebrows pinched together, weighing his options. Admitting to like puns wasn’t as big of a deal as he’d made it to be, he just liked the way Sylvain chased his attention. There was a time when he actually disliked those pick-up lines, when they weren’t directed at him but at whoever Sylvain had intended to seduce during his teen years. During that time Felix had hated every single cheesy line coming from Sylvain’s lips, every fake smile accompanied by an even faker chuckle. He’d hated the way Sylvain wasn’t his, and the way he couldn’t bring himself to just confess that he’d loved that silly redhead since they were mere kids.

But that was another, darker time. Of all the worries of the current situation, Sylvain wasn’t one of them. Once Annette and Ingrid had quite literally cornered them into talking their feelings out, it was as if they were always meant to be. Relationship had their ups and downs, but never had either of them even thought of leaving the other’s side. After all, they had promised not to a very long time ago, when words held less weight and love was a simple concept.

Where did all these serious thoughts come from? They were discussing puns, for Goddess’ sake!

“All right. Gimme a second…” Felix leaned his head back in thought, unconsciously fiddling with the hem of Sylvain’s trousers.

“Hey! No cheating. My butt’s off limits too for the time being.” Regardless, Sylvain didn’t even attempt at pushing Felix’s hands away.

“Oh really? And here I thought you could help me;” Felix looked at him again, “the doctor prescribed me a diet of mostly dat ass and vitamin D. How could you keep it away from me?”

Sylvain’s laugh echoed through the empty apartment.

“Terrible,” he snickered against Felix’s lips while giving him his well-earned kiss, “absolutely gut-wrenching.” He stamped his smile to his lover’s cheeks, nose, forehead.

“Are you letting me starve, Sylvain? My life is a stake!” Felix pulled him closer by his buttocks, shifting his focus on his lips again.

“Worry not, my love. Haven’t I told you what’s on today’s menu? _Me ‘n’ u_.” Sylvain loved the way Felix’s nose scrunched up and his chest fluttered as he laughed in abandon. He could probably watch him laugh for hours if he could. For a brief moment he pictured Felix laughing for an entire day. Too disturbing, better stick to what he’s got now.

Their moment was interrupted by a loud growl coming from Sylvain’s belly. Felix looked up at him, still smiling: “Guess I’m not the only one of us starving, after all.”

“Yes, because _somebody_ stole my smoothie,” Sylvain poked at Felix’s cheek accusingly, and the raven responded with another – gentler – bite at the aggressive finger.

“You shouldn’t have made my favourite and then leave it unsupervised. You need to learn to take better care of your smoothies,” Felix retorted, then gave a gentle pat at Sylvain’s behind, “get up. I’ll help you with cooking.”

“Yes, _sir_.”

One last kiss before they separated.

“And put a shirt on. Wouldn’t risk eating dessert before the main course.”

They ended up making pancakes, too lazy to figure out a more elaborate meal. Besides, Sylvain wanted to have an excuse to hum “don’t go _bacon_ my heart” while bumping his hip into Felix’s, who by surprise followed with “I couldn’t if I _fried_ ”. They ditched the kitchen counter and moved all the food to the coffee table, so they could eat side by side on the floor while watching TV. Only after having their fill did they move onto the couch, Sylvain with Felix’s head on his chest, mindlessly running his hands through the soft, black locks.

Except the next time he opened his eyes the weight of his lover’s body was gone, and in its place was merely a blanket. He leaned back on his elbows to see those same black hair he had been caressing behind the counter, putting the dishes away into the dishwasher.

“You fell asleep, _surprisingly._ ” Sylvain winced to the words. Staying awake for an entire film was impossible for him, unless he was at the cinema. He blamed that on a certain pretty Felix who was just the right size for a cuddle buddy. “Wanna move to the bedroom?”

Sylvain’s response was a weak “mmh mmh” and a nod.

“Let’s go, then.” He lent out his arm for Sylvain to get up, and the redhead took the chance to trap him into a kiss. Felix happily obliged, becoming soft again in his arms.

“As much as I enjoy this, Don Juan, I’d recommend we brush our teeth before that. You wouldn’t want bacon morning breath tomorrow.” And with that he took Sylvain’s hand and dragged him along.

Sylvain got under the covers first, to which Felix had gotten used once his boyfriend stopped working. It was nice to fall asleep and wake up together, and – most importantly – Felix appreciated that somebody warmed up the bed for him beforehand, especially when that somebody happened to be the hot redhead he was in love with.

Despite said warming up, Felix still shivered at the contact with the sheets and rushed to nestle himself in Sylvain’s willing arms. He was always so warm; Felix was actually envious of him sometimes.

“Sylvain?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you sure you don’t have a cold?”

“Quite sure. Why?”

“Because…” Felix got on his elbows to look at him better, “you’re looking _steaming hot_ right now.”

Sylvain’s sleepy cackle resonated through his chest, “Why, now that you mention it, I do feel a little lightheaded. And here I thought it was just because you were here with me.”

“Ah, I see.” Felix got on top of him and wrapped his arms around his neck, “I don’t usually treat people, but the diagnosis is clear: my dear, you are hopelessly _lovesick_. I’m sorry for you.”

Sylvain tucked a wild lock of hair behind Felix’s ear, sliding lower down his nape and finally resting on the soft skin of his back, “How to proceed, doc?”

“Easily.” Felix inched closer, staring at the warmth of those chocolate eyes. Hell, even Sylvain’s gaze made him warm, stirring something in his guts and spreading this fuzz to his chest. Felix could never get over that feeling of belong that only Sylvain gave him. It made him feel right, like two magnets joining at opposite poles. “I’ve been treating mine for some time now. I’ll show you the ropes.”

And with that he took Sylvain’s lip between his.

One of the favourite things Sylvain liked about kissing Felix was how the world seemed to still every time he did it. In those moments he could focus properly on each thing he felt.

First came the warmth of Felix’s mouth, the tongue lapping at his bottom lip in time with a gentle suck that made him feel the blood rushing to the worried skin; then came the sweet and cool taste of their mint toothpaste, Felix’s scent, fresh soap with a tint of cedar. Sylvain deepened the kiss, gently biting at Felix’s lip, completely lost in soft whines, in the way Felix’s breath tickled his cheeks, the way their legs entwined and Felix’s hands tugged hard on Sylvain’s hair, making him feel a pain as red as his locks.

Felix pulled away panting, lips pink and swollen from the kissing, cheeks visibly flushed, his hair a soft curtain that covered part of his shoulders and tickled Sylvain’s sides where it reached, warm eyes half-lidded and pupils blown. In the warm light of their bedside lamp he looked absolutely stunning.

“So, showing me the ropes? Kinky.” he gave Felix’s nose a soft peck.

Felix huffed and lightly shoved his face to the side, to which Sylvain responded by rolling them over so he was on top, the two of them playfully wrestling in attempt to tickle each other. Despite Sylvain being heavier, Felix turned out to be the winner, having pinned Sylvain under him, hands immobilised. Sylvain splaying his fingers in surrender.

“You’re… so goddamn… you,” Felix whispered in between kisses before resting his forehead against Sylvain’s, “And I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

Sylvain’s heart fluttered, “I could say the same about you, but now you’re making me feel unoriginal.”

Felix exhaled a half-laugh before releasing Sylvain and resting his head on his chest. The redhead yawned.

“As much as I’d like to go on with this, I think you need some sleep,” said Felix. Sylvain thought about retorting, but quickly realised how hard it was for him to keep his eyes open.

He slowly sat up to the other’s disapproval, “Can I braid your hair first?”

Felix smiled softly and sat between his legs, back facing him. Sylvain ran his fingers through the soft black locks, parting them into three sections before starting his work.

***

It was late morning when Sylvain woke up. He didn’t expect Felix to be sitting beside him, sipping tea while on his phone. He was used to the raven being a light sleeper and starting his daily activities before sunrise, so having him still in bed was quite unusual. Though now that Sylvain thought of it, he did remember Felix mentioning something about having the day off.

Felix noticed him staring and smiled, leaving the phone on the bed to card his hands through Sylvain’s messy bedhead, “Hey.”

Sylvain answered with a sleepy wink, revelling in the light scratching of Felix’s nail on the back of his head before taking his boyfriend’s hand in his and kissing the palm, then each knuckle individually, the back of the hand, the wrist... In the end Sylvain got Felix to neglect his tea and sink back under the sheets to pick up from where they left off.

“Want me to make you a new cup?” Sylvain murmured against Felix’s lips. The tea on the nightstand had long gone cold, and Sylvain had no intention in stirring Felix from his warm spot under the blankets. Felix nodded, face half mushed against the mattress.

Sylvain came back from the kitchen with two mugs and offered the other to his lover, who eagerly wrapped his hands around it for warmth. Sylvain used to find it funny, how Felix was able to absorb all warmth and still feel cold; it meant they could cuddle anytime without minding how warm it was outside, although it had the inconvenience that – whenever he felt particularly malicious – Felix would wake him up by pressing his gelid feet against him.

Sylvain watched as Felix halted, noticing how the liquid in the mug wasn’t their usual breakfast blend, but instead a green mint tea. He looked up to Sylvain with a raised eyebrow and questioning look.

The redhead sat on the bed next to him, caressing his lover’s thigh through the sheets, “I just wanted to tell you… we’re _mint_ to be.”

Felix nearly spilled the tea but managed to keep his laughter at bay. He instead raised his mug.

“To love and _tea_ -rrific puns,” he said. Sylvain raised his mug in return, still smiling as he took his first scalding sip. He didn’t mind; Felix would kiss it all better later.

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be rated T this was meant to be rated T thiswasmeanttoberatedTthiswa--  
> If you've reached this point, congrats! You survived!  
> Please, leave kudos if you liked it and, if you have a minute or two to spare, you can also leave a comment to tell me how you liked it. Feedback is really appreciated :D
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/stripteas13)


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